It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
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