Tap Here to view the Mobile Optimized TFLN
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Randomize
Follow @tfln