1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Ladies don't puke and tell
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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