I like my sex mixed with concussions.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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