Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize