I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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