i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
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life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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