And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
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I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
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am i new drunk or am i still drunk
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
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