he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
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She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
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I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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