if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
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well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
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