You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize