I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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