Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
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