adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
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oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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