we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
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honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
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HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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