yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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