the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize