now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
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it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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