Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize