Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
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dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
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One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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