genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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