Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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