Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
You're like the curious george of whores
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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