K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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