Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
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This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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