there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize