Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize