there's paper in my vomit.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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