he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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