I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
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We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
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