You surviving the open bar?
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I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
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