Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
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I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize