I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
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I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
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Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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