I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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