Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
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I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
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I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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