grandma shit on top of the toilet
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize