I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
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You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
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The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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