you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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