I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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