he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
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I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
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I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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