why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
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I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
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She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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