i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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