I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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