How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
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Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
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I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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