I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize