why im i the only drunk person in the library?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
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You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
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A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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