i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
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For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
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I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
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