Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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