i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
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You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
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On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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