i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize